A PUBLIC confession of one intimately familiar with fear
“The fear and the search for security have turned the world into a horrific hell.” — Samael Aun Weor
Let us take a moment to meditate on the ego of FEAR. Although believed by many to be one of the most easily identifiable of all the egos (out of pride, envy, greed, etc, you may think fear is one of the most obvious, whereas even lust and gluttony may be more subtle). Truth be told, fear is one of the most subtle and insidious of all egos.
We have extensive personal experience battling a particularly powerful manifestation of this demon—as an incredibly insecure child who constantly wet the bed, through an equally insecure and anxious teen who overate, right through to an anxious adult suffering from anxiety, depression and epilepsy. We have known fear to exert monumental control over us mentally, emotionally and physically, from eczema and insomnia to overeating and fetishizing, to seizures and psychotic episodes. Ours is a powerful demon of fear which in turn has attracted countless individuals from all walks of life afflicted by their own powerful yet unique brand of fear…some of whom were bound to us in intense personal relationships: family, friends, lovers. Our experience thus extends beyond our own fear to include the observation, interaction and analysis of fear operating within others—as well as triggering and being triggered by our fear. So let us dispense with any thoughts of “that’s just your experience and doesn’t apply to me” and comprehend that we were saddled with this subtle yet powerful demon in this lifetime for several reasons, not least of which was to become an expert on the nature of fear to help others face and cope better with their own fear…others such as yourself, dear reader.
YES—you have fear, too—or rather, fear has you. Instead of avoiding the facts, allow yourself to learn from our experience and those of others, and in doing so, learn about yourself and the ways in which fear subtly, cleverly and insidiously takes control of your thoughts, emotions, actions and reactions. It is only a question of the degree to which fear controls aspects of your life. If you doubt it now, trust us: by the end of this discourse, presented here in a kind of makeshift electronic confessional, you will doubt it no longer. If, that is, you read these words not with intellectual fervor as our judge or emotional relish as our confessor, but rather with humility and quiet as an expert witness of your own experience come to hear the honest testimony of one whose real-world experiences may shed light on your past, illuminate your present, and offer valuable insights for the future.
We’ll begin by exchanging notes on just what we mean by “fear” and why we may believe it applies to others but doesn’t apply to us. After that largely surface-level analysis of the so-called ‘obvious manifestations of fear,’ we will proceed to delve deeper into more subtle, more sordid, and ultimately more insidious and down-right devastating expressions of the demon. We will also take our time and care exploring how fear begets fear, and the unique implications which fear has for anyone walking the spiritual path. All this, dear reader, offered in the context of our own direct personal experience and that of those mirroring this most dominant of our egos. In other words, as is the case with most of our writings, we will be conveying genuine gnosis of the nature of fear to you; hopefully in such a way as to stimulate memories of conscious experiences of your own experiences of fear, so that you may gain new insights, comprehension, knowledge and wisdom on the nature of this demon and how better (if not, how best) to deal with it.
“By facing it.” – The Still Soft Voice of Truth
Indeed! Facing our fears is the only way we can hope to overcome the demon of fear. But which of fear’s many faces shall we face? And what if some of the more troublesome and insidious faces of fear are not so obvious to us? What if we mistake certain faces of fear for some other ego entirely? As we shall see, dear reader, it’s not always as simple or straightforward as face your fears. Let us first take a tally of what some of the more common and well-known faces of fear are, then we can delve deeper into the dark underworld of fear’s many lesser known, but far more common and insidious faces.
the many faces of fear IN YOUR FACE
What comes to mind when you consider the many faces of fear? The following montage featuring the work of some very talented artists offers a sampling to kickstart our exploration of this most versatile and adaptable of egos. These are what we might consider the obvious, overt
faces of fear: the manifestations of fear which are in your face…seemingly unavoidable and ubiquitous aspects of the human experience. Everyone suffers from (or at the very least has experienced at some point in their life) these faces of fear personally to one degree or another—and you know you have. That’s the key: these faces of fear do not bother with concealing themselves. They are overt. Fear in these forms makes its presence known in often the most bold and startling ways, making it all but impossible to deny our intimate self-evident experiential knowledge of fear’s many faces operating on the surface level of our lives.
(Clockwise from Top-Left): ‘Crawler’ by AERROSCAPE; ‘Divinity of Darkness’ by BASTIEN LECOUFFE DEHARME; ‘Mech Business’ by SOFTYRIDER62; ’Fear-Book Tutorial’ by DAMIE-M; ‘Fear Him’ by VULPES-IBCULTA; ‘Simon Henriksson -Cry of Fear’ by SELINESANLAYN; ’ Month Of Fear: Metamorphoses’ by JULIEDILLON
We all know about phobias, for instance. We might even have suffered from one or two ourselves at some point in our lives (perhaps we still do)—spiders, storms, dogs, needles, flying, open/enclosed spaces, the list is lengthy. Here are ten common ones along with their official psychological designations:
- Arachnophobia: fear of spiders
- Astraphobia: fear of storms
- Agoraphobia: fear of open spaces
- Acrophobia: fear of heights
- Pteromerhanophobia: fear of flying
- Claustrophobia: fear of enclosed spaces
- Entomophobia: fear of insects
- Ophidiophobia: fear of snakes
- Cynophobia: fear of dogs
- Trypanophobia: fear of needles
Again, phobias are expressions of fear which are well known to us. Everyone is afraid of something (or has been at some point). Phobias may be secret in their origins (what led to the development of the phobia in the first place), but they are not exactly hidden fears. Most everyone suffering from a phobia knows it and knows exactly what they are phobic of. This is not always the case, mind you. Many suffering from various social phobias are unaware of their affliction—they experience such phobias as social anxiety, and may not be able to pin down what, precisely, they are afraid of. We’ll dive deeper into social anxiety later. For now, let’s agree that in general phobias express themselves clearly and leave little doubt in our mind that their nature is pure fear.
The second way in which we all experience fear is through our primal instincts. These are generally those animal reactions to circumstances which fall into the category of self-preservation and often express themselves as either fight or flight. A good example of this is our fear for the wellbeing of family and loved ones. Be they paternal or maternal instincts, we can feel the impulse to defend ourselves and others against imminent harm very strongly indeed. And we might even justify such fears as not only practical but necessary, especially in such a ‘hostile world’ in which we live. Of course, this is simply a rationalization of ego-mind and an expression of self-preservation itself: the ego of fear longing to preserve its position of power over our lives. It is quite possible to be completely aware of imminent harm and respond with free consciousness as opposed to react with fear. This is not easy, of course, since our primal fight or flight instincts are very strong. But we can turn to the martial arts masters for guidance on the practical application of conscious awareness of imminent threats. No genuine martial arts master will tell you fear is your friend in a fight. Endeavoring to remain calm is essential if one hopes to effectively apply years of training effectively. What is true for hand-to-hand combat is true in every aspect of life.
Nowadays we are hearing more and more about the Authorities and how we need to fear them and/or how they need to fear us (the masses), who are on the verge of some global uprising. By authorities, we’re referring to the usual suspects and others which have been thrust into the spotlight in more recent years:
- National, state and local governments
- Legal system and law enforcement
- ‘Education’ including schools, colleges and universities
- Religious institutions including churches, dogmas, clergy, congregations, declarations and proclamations (i.e. fatwas)
- Multinational oligarchy including big banks, big oil, big pharma, agri-business, the military industrial complex, etc.
- Political ideologies across the spectrum from fascism and nationalism to political correctness and communism
- Scientific community
- Mainstream and alternative media
- Medical establishment
- Societal, organizational and group norms (i.e. peer-pressure)
- Dominance hierarchies based on class, gender, race, age, appearance, wellness, ability, sexual orientation, et al.
- Cultural customs and traditions
- Familial dominance (i.e. patriarch, matriarch, elder siblings, etc.)
In no uncertain terms, all of the above can be paired down to a typical us versus them dichotomy of ego-mind, the essential dynamic required for the ego of fear to successfully execute its modus operandi of divide and conquer, both in the microcosm of our psychology as well as the macrocosm of the world. Both sides of any given dynamic have reason to fear the other (i.e. the masses fear the insidious plans and actions of the elites, while the 1% fear the empowerment and uprising of the 99%; similarly, the medical establishment fear a lay population capable of their own health maintenance, management and prevention, while the lay population fear illness, death and being poisoned by the dark alliance between allopathic healthcare and big pharma), and both sides invariably use fear and intimidation tactics to try to gain leverage over the other. No one will argue, for instance, that the legal system is set up and enforced entirely on a foundation of fear—the very concept of punishment as deterrent depends not only on individuals valuing their freedom, but on their desire for comfort and security. We will have much more to say about the relationship between fear, control and comfort & security a little later. The point we are making here is that in the big picture, we are all aware of how various pressures from different authority figures, establishment groups and systems rely on and play heavily off the ego of fear. That is not to say greed, pride, envy anger and lust don’t also play their respective roles in the divide and conquer ethos, but Bill the Butcher said it best…
“That’s what preserves the order of things. Fear.” – Bill the Butcher, Gangs of New York
Not all fears are real, of course. We are all familiar with the phenomenon of paranoia: when the subject of our fear is completely and totally real, but the object(s) of our fear are entirely imagined. They don’t exist. In other words, we are consumed by subjectivity—entirely gripped by fear, and wholly convinced that our reasons for feeling terrified are 100% objective, rational and real. But they are not. They exist solely in our mind. This is what it means to be paranoid at the most basic level. Some would argue that we’re not describing paranoia, but irrational fears, but the false dichotomy of rational and irrational fears flies in the face of the Truth: all fear is irrational. Here again, when it comes to paranoia, fear is obvious and straightforward: it may not seem that way at the time to the paranoid subject, but even they would find it hard to deny their intense fear. Paranoid people know they’re afraid, it’s just that they think they’re justified in their fear, even though they have no reason to be afraid at all. In any case, paranoia is another of those obvious and well-known faces of fear.
Dangers & Monsters
There are real dangers in the world. Our mind will tell us we are right to be afraid of them; to always beware of the many dangers around us. It’s just that the word ‘beware’ derives from ‘be wary,’ which means ‘to be aware of.’ To be wary means to be mindful, conscious, present and accounting for any and all potential hazards, let alone imminent dangers. Beware doesn’t mean ‘be afraid.’ Fear is the opposite of consciousness. When gripped by fear we’re asleep: caught up in the ego-mind’s running commentary about imminent threats fuelled by a heightened emotional state and accompanying physical agitation. Like our primal fight or flight instincts reacting to imminent threats, our fear of every-present dangers is not beneficial. It pulls us out of a state of controlled relaxation and conscious readiness, meaning we are less able to respond in a measured and appropriate way to potential hazards and are more likely to overreact entirely out of control.
What about monsters? Are they real or imagined? Depending on what your definition of a monster is, they can be both real and illusory. The fact is there are entities, physical and metaphysical, which can cause us and others harm. We might be tempted to call these entities ‘evil,’ and surely our mind will tell us we are right to fear them. So much so that at this point, having just begun to scratch the surface of the demon of fear, surely even you, dear reader, are tempted to agree with the iconic wartime quote:
“The only thing we have to fear is…fear itself” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
However, dear reader, let the irony of FDR’s statement not be lost on you, for it is an affirmation of abject lunacy to state it is wise to be afraid of fear…for in that very moment you are possessed by the very entity you most fervently wish to remain free of possession by. Heaven forbid you believe, dear reader, that we embarked on this exposition of the nature of fear for the sole purpose of instilling fear of fear within you! On the contrary, on this point we turn to another famous war-related quote:
“Know your enemy…know yourself even more.” – Sun Tzu
Aye there’s the rub. If you have followed any of our previous blog articles or videos (particularly related to the AUM of Psychology), you know that mindfulness is the first step to comprehension and then annihilation of our egos. Note that Sun Tzu has not said anything about fearing your enemy, or fearing what you don’t know about your enemy, etc. Rather, he simply states that self-knowledge is paramount in any conflict situation, and that suggests mindfulness and consciousness as opposed to fear. It’s as true for whatever we perceive as monstrous. Know the monster…know yourself even more. But we know from our own experience that our ego-mind doesn’t operate this way naturally. Confronted with ‘the monster,’ our mind gravitates to “it’s him or me” and clever and profound-sounding statements as “the only thing we have to fear is…fear itself” because it’s the sort of double-speak (and self-talk) which entangles us in the very mess our ego-mind believes it can save us from. Newsflash: it can’t.
Psychic, Psychotic Mental Phenomena
Mental phenomena, psychic to psychotic, are perhaps the most vivid yet elusive faces of fear. You might be tempted to call this category mental illness, but that euphemism permits huge swaths of the population to live in denial of their fear (“I’m not mentally ill”). At the same time, mental illness implies that somehow troublesome mental states are happening to us, rather than being a product of our current state of being, allowing another huge swath of the population to deny their responsibility for their own psychology. Still, there is no question that our psychology can be a very dark and frightening place to explore and experience—which is why the vast majority prefer to avoid looking at their own psychology altogether, particularly their egos or what Jung called their “shadow self.” And therein we begin to see the first inklings of how important a role fear plays in hindering the practice of genuine spirituality and perpetuating the zombie-like state of humanity.
Our mind is a complete mystery to us at the best of times. At its worst, our mind becomes a traitorous, monstrous, dangerous entity which we can neither fight nor fly from! This brings to fore a whole new level of fear which is not easily comprehensible by anyone who has not experienced frightening psychological states. And yet we will hazard to guess that everyone has had something akin to a terrifying nightmare at some point in their life—even perhaps one which they couldn’t wake from. Most of us have felt that feeling of helplessness in the dream state, facing imminent danger, trapped within a psychological reality whose laws seem beyond our grasp, whose authorities are largely hidden from us, and whose monsters appear impervious to any and all our attempts at fight and/or flight.
Now imagine living with such a monster 24/7.
Epilepsy—LiFE with A demon
It was once common knowledge that epilepsy is demonic possession. That knowledge was lost during the so-called ‘Enlightenment’ period when rational thought and materialist science established themselves as the de facto arbiters of truth for this humanity. Today people think of epilepsy mostly as a medical condition, but those who live with it and must deal with it daily in some capacity will tell you it is far more than that. Even the allopathic healthcare practitioners who’ve treated thousands of patients will tell you that epilepsy is a neuro-psychological disorder, meaning it encompasses, affects and is affected by far more than mere physiology. Those same specialists will tell you no two cases of epilepsy are alike. Epilepsy is ‘on the spectrum’ (of autism), and that means those suffering from epilepsy often exhibit related autism-spectrum disorders. We personally suffered from albeit very mild Asperger’s Syndrome, obsessive-compulsive tendencies and even bipolar disorder. After years researching and observing these tendencies, it became clear to us that all autism-spectrum disorders are, in fact, some form of demonic possession—or at the very least demonic
interference. Also, after bearing witness to such an entity within ourselves and how it affected us not just physically but emotionally, mentally and most significantly socially, we can say unequivocally that the goal of any entity sharing occupancy with ourselves is singular: to rule us; make us the monster.
This begins to describe what it’s been like living with a powerful demon. A demon which—like all egos—hijacks our consciousness and feeds on our vital energy. It just so happens that our demon’s dominant characteristic is fear. So, the more we indulged our fear, the stronger a grip the demon had over us. It would also feed off the fear of others, however. This was particularly difficult to manage because controlling our own fear was one thing, but when confronted by those gripped by fear themselves, directing their fear at us, we would find ourselves in the grips of our own demon, empowered and emboldened by the frequency-matched energetic discharge of the other person’s fear! If we, then, allowed ourselves to react to their fear with our fear, then we produced a feedback loop and would both find ourselves sucked into a downward spiral of fear. We’ve written about this dynamic before, particularly in our article Lovers and Chi-eaters: The Hidden Truth about Sex & Relationships —but it’s important to remember that while romantic couples feel this dynamic most acutely, it’s equally present and relevant in all our social interactions, especially family, friends and co-workers. The more invested we are in a relationship, the more attached we are to an individual or outcome, the more intensely our egos will be triggered by their egos. And the reason is quite simple: egos care not what or who they feed on; they are entirely mechanical entities which spring into activity whenever opportunity and/or the right energetic frequency presents itself. They have no choice in the matter, either. Fear is going to fear. The demon will possess. And if we’re not ever-present, ever vigilant, we will find ourselves in the grips of fear when we least expect it.
It is essential to grasp the fundamental nature of fear. Fear is afraid. Fear is a coward. How could it be anything but what it is? Our demon of fear is a terrorist. The epileptic seizures would come out of nowhere and strike without warning, as did the wild mood swings, outbursts of anger, and sudden uncontrollable urges to binge on TV, junk food or video games. We became acutely aware of fear’s cowardice when we first began awakening in the Astral Plane. On one occasion, we awoke from a dream, leapt from our bed, opened the door of our bedroom to find our apartment had been completely ransacked by the demon—as if burglars had come and robbed the place, leaving it in utter shambles. Before waking from this dream-within-a-dream, we distinctly remember calling out to the demon “show yourself!” demanding that it face us mano-e-mano. But it never did. On another occasion, while projecting into the Astral Plane using the Anahat Sound, as we entered that dark, misty zone known to Tibetan Buddhists as the bardo, or ‘in between,’ we were jumped by the demon and found ourselves completely immobilized, being carried under its arm to who-knows-where. We knew it was the demon because of the paralysis; this is what possession and being gripped by fear means in the Astral Plane! Yet, with profound willpower we were able to direct our conscious awareness and get a good look at our would-be kidnapper’s face. It looked something like this:
Imagine a person tucked under one of its arms, and you get a very accurate portrayal of the event. Perhaps now you get a better idea why medieval churches and cathedrals are adorned with gargoyles.
On another occasion, again in the Astral Plane, we were confronted by our fear in a rather different garb. At the time we were dating a woman who had come to Canada from Germany to pursue the path of shamanism in the Native American tradition, and there was something about her (or rather, within her) which frightened us terribly. We suspected she was being led by her spiritual group down the path of Black Magic, while we were trying to show her an alternative path of Gnosis, including White Tantra. One night we awoke in the Astral Plane but couldn’t move. Something was gripping us from behind by the scruff of our neck and we were utterly paralyzed as before. But again, as before, through a tremendous exertion of willpower, we managed to turn our attention to our assailant and saw something akin to the horror mask of a witch doctor, complete with googly eyes and a blood-curdling bellow…
We managed to wake up and found our shamanic lady friend also awake, gently stroking the back of our neck…at the exact spot the demon had been gripping us. A few days later we would have a dream in which a swarm of hornets had made their nest in our back, and they were pouring out of a small hole burrowed into our spine. When we awoke from that nightmare, we again found our girlfriend awake, touching our spine at the exact spot where the hornets had been swarming out from. Here we see the nature of fear as an opportunist. There was nothing inherently malevolent about our girlfriend. She was a genuine seeker of esoteric knowledge. It’s just that she suffered from fear herself and in her insecurity had been enticed down a spiritual path of relative comfort and security (more on this later). And since we happened to have a lot of chemistry—plenty of sparks flying in the bedroom as well as in the kitchen—it’s no wonder the demon was empowered by her presence in our life and emboldened enough to project itself onto her such that she became the object of my terror. The demon made good use of opportunities like the ones described to turn harmless moments of tender caressing into malevolent acts of terrorizing in the Astral Plane! And make no mistake: it was our demon behind it all…even though it was using our ego-mind to try to convince us we were dating a witch, a black sorceress, a demoness, etc. Like all egos, our demon was trying to blame external causes for our suffering, so it could continue operating with impunity, undiscovered, striking from the shadows.
Had we not been present, awake, consciously observing and analysing all the ways in which our demon of fear was trying to rule our life, who knows where we might have ended up? Well, life came and showed us that, too…intimately, through self, family and friends, and in a most personal and heartbreaking way…the many potential consequences of a lifetime of chronic undiscovered fear.
Anxiety: hidden chronic fear
There’s no question anxiety is running at an epidemic level in the West. We recently returned from Spain where we didn’t feel it nearly at the same magnitude, but then we were in a rural area, mostly, near the south-east of the peninsula nestled between the mountains and the sea. In Barcelona things were a bit more on par with what we’re used to feeling in larger cities around the world: people wound up tight, on edge, always in a hurry to get somewhere, trying hard to get by and/or be successful, playing out their primal instincts within the confines of the 21st Century rat-race. All fear, all the time. Relentless. We’re inundated by fear. Like the old Palmolive ads from the 70’s and 80’s, we’re soaking in it; marinating in it; fermenting in it. And like a fine wine that’s slowly going off and turning to vinegar, our lives are slowly being ruined by fear…but like that wine sitting on the rack, we’re not aware what’s really going on inside the bottle. That’s because anxiety doesn’t really register as fear to us; it’s not obvious we’re afraid at all!
When fear isn’t in our face, we are hard-pressed to identify it as fear. So it’s entirely possible to experience a constant, nagging subconscious fear just beneath our awareness as a subtle yet unrelenting buzz of worry, insecurity, tension, nervousness, manic behaviours, habits, fidgeting, discomfort, frustration and a whole host of other symptoms and coping mechanisms which we may or may not associate with what psychologists distinguish as ‘anxiety.’ But make no mistake, fear by any other name is still afraid. And just because it’s beneath the surface doesn’t mean fear doesn’t have us firmly within its grasp. Fear is still a terrorist; but not all terrorists go around hijacking planes, brandishing assault rifles on CNN, or blowing themselves up in heavily trafficked public places. Some terrorists remain unseen and unheard, hole-up in basements or bunkers or caves, quietly yet systematically plotting, organizing and executing all manner of covert acts of subversion, sabotage and insurgency. The targets of such underground terrorist plots may never even know they’ve been victimized by terrorists. For all they know, the annoyances and disruptions they experience, while clearly not benign, are not necessarily born of any malicious intent. Which is exactly how covert terrorist operations want things to remain. Let the authorities and the media focus on the occasional dramatic incident on the surface, all the while the real terrorism goes on unabated and unchecked, day after day, for decades. This is how best to comprehend anxiety.
Anxiety is thus chronic hidden fear. What we must do is lift the veil on our anxiety and uncover the fear beneath: just what are we afraid of, exactly? For instance, we may be a chronic worrier, or pessimist, or gum-chewer, or fidgeter, or chain-smoker, but these symptoms/coping mechanisms reveal nothing to us about the nature nor objects of our fear. When we find ourselves worrying about something or someone, for instance, what are we afraid of, really? And are we truly afraid for them, or are we secretly afraid for ourselves? A mother who cannot sleep until she knows her teenage children have made it home safe and sound is clearly acting on primal instincts related to the maternal impulse. A mother fretting over the safety of her children is thus suffering from a fear of death, projected onto her children who are an extension of herself (literally, her flesh and blood).
It is not enough, then, to chalk up various symptoms and coping mechanisms as “suffering from anxiety?” Doing so reveals absolutely nothing to us about the nature of our fear, nor what and how it is possessing us. Anxiety is the surface-level and identifying it as a problem is only the first step. Now you understand why so many people continue to suffer from anxiety and why contemporary psychology is treating a superficial symptom as if it were the actual disease. But that’s not surprising, given how psychology has followed in the footsteps of allopathic healthcare and is now more or less a pawn of big pharma.
Clearly, there are those with a vested interest in ensuring anxiety remains a chronic problem both in the West and in the East (like Communist China). For starters, anxious consumers are good consumers. Men and women worried about how they look and making a good impression buy lots of expensive clothes, jewellery, accessories, make-up, cologne/perfume, even fancy cars and condos. On the other end of the spectrum, anxious and insecure introverts and basement dwellers buy lots of media, novels, comic books, video games, snack foods, toys and collectibles, etc. Homemakers insecure about their “nest” spend untold billions each year in home decorating and improvements. And let us not forget the doomsday “preppers,” who likewise spend untold sums building and stocking their survival bunkers in anticipation of the coming apocalypse. Anxious people make for regular repeat customers and fuel a “healthy and robust GDP.”
It’s not just exploitation of anxiety via consumption that certain interest groups are after. Anxiety is a powerful motivator on the production side as well! For starters, some managers may feel just the right amount of anxiety is necessary to ensure a productive workforce. After all, if jobs are on the line and your workers know it, they may be more apt to try to outperform their colleagues, so their name doesn’t make it onto the layoff list. And anxiety can be a catalyst for creative productivity as well. For instance, it is a well-known fact that most stand-up comics suffer from terrible anxiety. Getting up in front of people and making them laugh serves as a kind of drug for them—validation, yes, but also a balm for the incessant fear of not being good enough, of being judged, of being disliked, of being alone and lonely. And that brings us to a particularly insidious form of anxiety when it comes to relationships—with ourselves and others.
Social Anxiety: Fear of being Judged
Now, we know that conventional psychological wisdom claims there to be many possible causes of social anxiety, but we are going to stay focused on the facts and not the clever intellectual arguments and rationalizations of ego-mind which contradict those facts. The fact is someone suffering from social anxiety fears encountering and/or being surrounded by people. In that precise moment, they feel supremely self-conscious, naked, exposed, vulnerable and in no uncertain terms, their ego-mind is convinced they are the one being singled-out by everyone in the room:
“Everyone is looking at me. Everyone is judging me. Everyone is talking about me. People think I’m boring; that I don’t belong here. Maybe they’re right: I don’t belong here. I’m not good enough, beautiful enough, stylish enough…I stick out like a sore thumb. I have to get out of here!” – The Fear-filled Voice of Judgment
Now, the so-called experts will tell you the reasons why someone might feel this way are numerous—a traumatic childhood event, parenting style, isolated upbringing, social pressures and expectations, negative self-image, even genetics and neurological disorders—but these are not the causes of social anxiety. It is the ego of fear and specifically fear of judgment in the moment which is acting up and acting out its programming. How and why that fear of judgment became integrated into the individual’s psychology is secondary: simply how their karma was facilitating the integration of the ego of fear in order that they may learn what they need to learn from it plus account for and rectify past mistakes. Certainly, understanding the process by which this ego integrated into our person may help us in comprehending the nature of our fear, but laying the blame for our egos at the feet of trauma, parents, or any other externalized factor is not the right approach. Clearly, we must own our fear, take responsibility for our social anxiety, not in the negative, narcissistic way in which our ego-mind would have us do (as evidenced in the quotation, above), but in a calm, conscious, contemplative way. Playing the blame game is never the right approach to dealing with any ego (neither blaming ourselves nor others), and fear is masterful at playing ourselves off others such that we find our ego-mind pointing fingers incessantly at all the myriad causes and guilty parties responsible for our fear…including ourselves.
What this means, practically speaking, is that fear really doesn’t care how it achieves its goal of executing its program of possessing our consciousness, consuming our vital energy and replicating itself (intensifying its hold over our us and others). For instance, dear reader, you may have observed how fear clearly works with pride to create the phenomenon of social anxiety. As mentioned, look back at the image and the quotation above and notice the clear narcissism at play: “me…me…me…everyone is focused on me.” It makes no difference to pride that the nature of the illusory attention is negative. Shame is the flipside of pride, and an individual can feel just as anxious while receiving public praise and adulation as they can fantasizing all the terrible things everyone around them must be thinking about them. In other words, we mustn’t allow ourselves to be duped into some superficial and oversimplified analysis of any situation merely because of the assertion this article has made that “beneath it all is the ego of fear.” That is precisely why we’re writing this article in the first place—to show all the many complex, subtle, clever and sophisticated ways in which the ‘simple ego’ of fear can manifest, express and operate! Fear is a chameleon that way. And, as we have just seen, the clever ways in which fear works with other egos (such as pride) conflates and confuses the situation even further. For example, what many people may perceive as gluttony on the surface may really be ’emotional eating,’ a way by which an individual self-medicates to cope with their anxiety, for instance. We have a personal history overeating, binge-eating and other unhealthy relationships with food, precisely in reaction to our social anxiety—not just in public, but in private. (Chameleon artwork: ‘Don’t be afraid’ by tahra.)
Social anxiety is not just about wide-open public spaces and being judged by crowds of people. The fear of judgment plays an intricate role in our personal relationships as well, for who wants to be seen negatively by the people that matter most to them? Friends, bosses and co-workers may be at one level, but you know very well no-one can make us feel more self-conscious than our family and/or our lover. With heightened intimacy comes increased vulnerability. Nothing cuts to the heart of fear like the piercing gaze of someone who’s lived with us, cared for us, seen us at our best and our worst, in our most vulnerable and most exposed states; someone who can see right through us, with whom we have no cover, no pretense, no mask to hide behind. Indeed, no one can trigger our fear of judgment better than someone whom we want to love us. Just as no one can trigger our fear of loss than someone whom we love intensely.
And it is fear which manages to sabotage precisely the love we may so desperately seek from our family members and our romantic partners. In fact, what we find if we begin peeling back the onion on this matter is something more akin to the desire for personal validation than ‘love.’ Like the stand-up comic who tries to get out in front of their social anxiety by taking control of the audience’s perceptions of them (making them laugh), we may find ourselves trying too hard to impress our family or our lover. The need to be loved is very real, but in the hands of fear it devolves into neediness, and that can manifest in any number of ways—everything from expectations, entitlements and demands to outright obsession, possession and dominance of the other person. In other words, the fear of being judged is intimately connected to the fear of not being loved, of losing love, of falling out of love. For love is supposed to be unconditional, free of judgment if not free of constructive criticism (there is a big difference). And so, like the stand-up comedian, we may try to ‘get the upper hand’ in our personal relationships in order to get out in front of any potential judgment by those we love…yes, we try to exercise control over them.
Control: The Fear of Letting Go and Letting God
We’re now crossing the threshold between the more ‘pedestrian’ manifestations of fear and its even darker, subtler and more insidious faces. You will also take note, dear reader, that for the first time in this article, we’ve mentioned the name of divinity. It is safe to say that we are also crossing the threshold between the solely secular analysis of fear (some brief talk of karma notwithstanding), and its implications from a more esoteric perspective. For unless we delve deep into the many ways in which fear hinders our progress on the path, we will invariably fall prey to its tricks, traps and terrorist ploys to bring us down—make us fall. And the most persistent, pervasive and ubiquitous way fear does this is by twisting and degenerating the righteous practice of self-control into the easily rationalized, justified and self-righteous practice of ‘taking control of our lives’…control over circumstances, outcomes, others and ultimately our fate.
Understood well, the desire for control is a loss of faith in the wisdom of our Innermost Father and Divine Mother. It is the ego-mind’s belief that it knows what’s best for us, and while it is largely fear-based, there may also be a good deal of pride playing itself out. That is, if we are consciously choosing to control outcomes over ‘suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.’ Yes, dear reader, it’s that time again: when we draw upon Shakespeare’s most important and iconic work to shed light on the topic at hand. (Was there ever any doubt in your mind that it would be so?) For as sure as this speech from Hamlet offers us a how-to guide to be one, in union, with our Innermost Being, it is also a clear call to courage in the face of our tests, trials and ordeals; and, an unflinching indictment of the desire to avoid them by ‘taking up arms against a sea of troubles.’ For a complete analysis of the speech, including some skillful renditions of it for the screen, watch our YouTube video: To Be or Not To Be (a True Human Being). But for now, simply focus your attention on the words and phrases associated with cowardice and bravery (i.e. the willingness to face hardships and suffering). If the language is difficult for you, you may be tempted to turn to one of the many free online modern translations. Just be forewarned that all such translations mistakenly interpret Hamlet to be contemplating suicide—nothing could be further from the truth. Hamlet is talking about psychological death—the death of the ego. The ‘sleep’ that he describes is the sleeping consciousness, not death. Whereas the death he describes—psychological death—is precisely the opposite of sleep. Again, our YouTube video on the speech discusses all this in more detail.
To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there’s the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th’oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of dispriz’d love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th’unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere’d country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.
– Hamlet, Act III, Sc. 1.
The bottom line is this: to give into our fears and seek ‘to take [control] against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them,’ is to be asleep…it is precisely choosing not to be. Whereas the alternative, to be, requires the death of fear—that which makes us ‘rather bear those ills we have than fly to others that we know not of?’ Fear is behind such sentiments as ‘the devil you know versus the devil you don’t.’ It is precisely what prevents us from taking risks, from trusting our intuition and insights—those Being impulses which dare us to take the plunge into ‘enterprises of great pitch and moment,’ that is, in the moment, moment by moment…the eternal now. We are called to make the leap of faith, but to do so we must first let go of our fear, doubt and cowardice. We must abandon ‘the pale cast of thought’ which seeks to vomit all over ‘the native hue of resolution’…our resolve to let go and let God.
And of course, it makes sense, ‘for who would bear the whips and scorns of time’ Hamlet asks. ‘Conscience does make cowards of us all,’ because to follow the Will of our Innermost Being through awakened consciousness requires us to be brave and ‘suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.’ And what person in their right mind wants to do that? Isn’t the spiritual path all about overcoming suffering? The ego-mind, fuelled by fear, can generate many clever, rational, logical reasons not to follow the path set before us by our Divine Mother. Likewise, the mind will use the concept of free-will as justification for taking control of our own life. We aren’t wrong: we have the right to do so. Except the flaw in our logic is this: by acting on fear we are precisely not in control…fear is controlling us. This is the bitter irony and what G.I. Gurdieff called “the terror of the situation.” Mark these words well, dear reader…
The more we cling to outcomes through control of circumstances and other people, the more we are being controlled ourselves…and the entity controlling us is fear.
Say whatever you’d like about control being pride, greed, lust, envy, or any number of other egos, the undeniable fact remains: the attachment to outcomes and the desire to control and manipulate people and circumstances to achieve desired outcomes is fear. Fear of what? ‘Of [other outcomes] we know not of,’ Hamlet tells us—fear of the unknown. And more to the point, fear of the unknowable.
Fear of Self and Fear of Death
The mind cannot know; the mind only thinks it knows. Only through awakened consciousness can we hope to truly know—ourselves, the universe and its gods, according to the Oracle of Delphi. Egos only know what they are—anything outside the box of their mechanical nature is unknowable to them, and in keeping with the laws of mechanical nature and the self-preservation instinct, fear is only executing its job in mechanical nature, defined by fight or flight: fear is keeping us safe from the ultimate unknown, death, and the absolutely unknowable, The Absolute—our ultimate and highest Self…the Origin of our Innermost’s Innermost…where fear cannot tread; and thus fear will do anything and everything in its power to keep us from going there. But as initiates longing to return home, sooner or later we must let go and let God, accept whatever comes our way to help in our psychological death, and embrace the Will of our True Self, no matter how scary.
Obsessed with control, fear will never willingly relinquish it. It will never willingly embrace its own death—no, not even through suicide; for that, too, is an act of cowardice. Suicide solves nothing, and the egos know it: they live on and will be back to possess us with a vengeance whenever we return. Suicide is precisely an option for the ego-mind when fear rationalizes the pros and cons of going on enduring the untold sufferings of life (and is why all those literary scholars mistakenly believe that’s what Hamlet is talking about). The death egos fear most is psychological death—the spiritual work—and the invariable loss of control which comes from embracing the Self, the Will of our Innermost Being. We cannot underestimate how much our egos fear the Path. But if egos only know what they are—lust, greed, pride, envy, anger, etc.—then let us comprehend the Truth and revise our last statement for the sake of absolute clarity: we must not underestimate how big a role fear plays in hindering our progress on the Path.
If there is one dominant, overarching reason why we, Attlas Allux, came to live a life possessed by a powerful demon of fear, it’s to be able to speak from experience and emphasize to anyone and everyone on the Path the most insidious ways in which fear sabotages our efforts to be. Beginning with the revelation of Hamlet, who is not contemplating suicide but is, in fact, weighing whether it’s nobler in the ego-mind to suffer what’s required of us to be one with our Innermost being, to die psychologically, or to take control of our lives and destiny, put an end to this sea of suffering we live in, go back to sleep and continue dreaming.
But that question, the question, which we face each and every moment of our lives and in which fear plays a pinnacle role in trying to get us to go back to sleep, is really just the beginning of fear’s insidious and truly diabolical ploys to keep us from succeeding in our spiritual journey. But it is a question which begs another which no-less ‘puzzles the will:’ if being one with our True Self requires us to endure so much suffering, and not being, remaining asleep, entails the desire to avoid suffering, then where does that leave the seemingly benign pursuit of comfort and security?
Fear behind the Desire for Comfort & Security
On a very basic level, Hamlet is weighing the options between indulging comfort and security versus suffering discomfort and insecurity. By giving into the desire for comfort and security, he believes we can avoid unwanted hardships and uncertain calamities, but at the cost of remaining asleep. Whereas ‘suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,’ surely brings about the end to our comfort and security—and the false self—but that is the price of admission when undertaking ‘enterprises of great pitch.’ Nothing ventured, nothing gained. No risk, no reward. In a universe of cause and effect, no effect comes about without its prerequisite cause(s). So, it’s worthwhile taking a moment or two to look carefully at the causes of comfort and security, and what effects they may be having on our efforts to advance spiritually.
Spoiler alert: comfort and security are not our faithful companions on the path to awakening and Self-Realization of the Being. It’s just as Shakespeare’s words reveal to us: to seek comfort and security is very much not to be. The path is anything but comfortable and secure—it is riddled with tests, challenges and ordeals. Here, now, in the physical world below, we, this vessel, must face manifestations of initiations which We, our Innermost Being must undergo there, now, above, in the supernal worlds. To turn away from the risks and discomforts associated with such tests, trials and challenges in favor comfort and security, we actively inhibit our Innermost Being from completing initiations in the superior worlds. It’s really that simple.
Now, before you overreact in either extreme—thinking you’d better sell all your worldly possessions and move into a cave in the wilderness; or, alternatively, double-down on your desire for comfort and security and book a $10,000 ‘spiritual retreat’ at some luxury eco-lodge resort and spa—let us say clearly and without reservation: while we Gnostics must be humble, we must also be practical. That means admitting to our self: “I’m not qualified to make decisions about what direction my path should take.” That includes deciding to sell all your stuff and live like a hermit in the wilderness; or, deciding you need extreme levels of comfort and security to be able to stick to your spiritual studies, meditation, sexual magic, and all the other esoteric practices. The truth is your path most likely falls somewhere in the middle between these two extremes, but where exactly it lies, and how it fluctuates back and forth between them over the course of your life should remain in the hands of your Divine Mother. In that way, we need not really
concern ourselves with the matter of comfort and security at all. For while such concern will masquerade as simple common sense, if you really meditate on it, you will find our old friend fear lurking in the shadows just waiting for the opportunity to twist practicality and pragmatism into decadence and insecurity.
For our part, we have been closer to either end of the spectrum of comfort and security at different points in our life, but we have never been anywhere near destitute. Sure, we may have been born into an immigrant family and raised under an umbrella of austerity (our father, who worked in the fashion industry, made most of our clothes, and we had to make many of our own toys and amusements). Shortly after being born, we moved to an apartment building where our parents were superintendents, so we could live rent-free and save money for a down-payment on a house. That was always the reason why we lived under such tight budgets, so our family could put every penny toward a nice house in a good neighbourhood. While we may have been teased by the other kids for our homemade clothes, at least we attended one of the best primary schools in the Greater Toronto Area, which was for us a kind of utopia. And while we rarely ate out, at least we had home-cooked Hungarian food everyday. We never went hungry. By some global standards we were living in a paradise on earth, and that’s exactly what it seemed like to our relatives living back home in what was then still communist Hungary.
All that would change when our father switched jobs and we relocated to Guelph, Ontario. We ended up in a nightmare of a ‘custom home,’ which had been neglected for decades by the previous owner—leaky roof, condensation dripping and freezing on the inside of the windows, enormous spiders living in the pleated drapes, a garage filled with accumulated junk (he was a hoarder) and an enormous unkept property littered with huge stones and elephantine grass we spent months cleaning up and had to mow by hand. And while it was a ‘nice, big house’ in a very good neighbourhood within walking distance of the university (which would eventually prove to be a blessing), it meant we had to attend an elementary school which came right out of Pink Floyd’s “The Wall.” Those early years in Guelph were nearer the “discomfort and insecurity” end of the spectrum. But they were necessary to our development and growth: forcing us out of our comfort zones and making us face our insecurities. And through it all we never went hungry; we may not have gotten anywhere near what we wanted, but we always had what we needed.
A few years later, in our mid-twenties, we would have one of the best times of our life, living and teaching English in Japan. Here was a place where we felt totally ‘at home,’ and yet we lived in an apartment which was so tiny, when we laid down to sleep in our loft, our head would be touching one wall and our feet would be flat up against the other wall; if we sat up in bed too quickly we had to be careful not to hit our head on the ceiling. And yet, with our one-burner stove, small toaster oven, a tiny refrigerator (maybe half the size of a typical bar-fridge), and a balcony not big enough even for a hibachi, we were completely content. It was here, in our tiny ‘Leo Palace’ apartment, that we came to realize just how little we needed to be completely comfortable. And with what we felt was good pay for doing something we were born to do (teach), living in a very safe country steeped in Zen Buddhism, we felt an equal measure of security.
It would all have to come to an end, course. But not before we would face some of the biggest tests and temptations of our life. One you may already be familiar with, since we wrote about it in our article Video Games – Ascending to High Art!? And our final test in Japan came from an equally unexpected source. See, we had a middle-aged student, Akikosan, who owned a local ‘cram school’ (after-hours tutoring to help students cope with Japan’s rigorous education system). She had a daughter named Naori, who was an exceptionally tall woman (for Japan, at 5’9″) and a professional harpist. Akikosan insisted that I come see her daughter perform in concert and—you guessed it—soon Naori and I were seeing each other on a regular basis. When it came time for me to go back to Canada to attend my brother’s wedding, it meant having to decide whether or not I would return to Japan—my spiritual home. We had already been promised a head office position as teacher-trainer, but that alone was not enough to entice us to return. No, not even Naori, who made little drama out of our breakup. No, it was Naori’s mother, Akikosan, who would prove a challenge.
You see, dear reader, since it was Akikosan who had effectively chosen to ‘give away her only daughter,’ to me, it was Akikosan I had to ‘break up with.’ I explained to her the situation—that I would be returning to Canada for my brother’s wedding, ending my contract with GEOS, and not returning to Japan. Akikosan quietly and respectfully heard us out. When we had finished, she slowly leaned forward, laid her hands down gently, palms flat on the table and calmy asserted, in the typical Japense way of showing respectful disapproval, “Mmm…No.” She then looked us straight in the eye and calmy let firmly continued, a coy yet determined smile on her face:
“You will go home to Canada to attend your brother’s wedding because that is your duty. Then you will return to Japan. You will end your contract with GEOS and come work for me at my school. I have already spoken to all your students and they have all agreed to leave GEOS to keep you as their sensei. You will marry Naori and learn to speak Japanese fluently. I will teach you the private school business, which you will eventually inheret from me. This is what you will do.”
And there it was, dear reader, laid out before me on a silver platter: a lifetime of comfort and security in my spiritual homeland, complete with a beautiful and talented trophy wife, an adoring mother-in-law, a career doing something I loved—teaching—and even the deed to the family business. And in that precise moment what came into my mind was Jesus in the desert, being tempted by the devil. Akikosan happened to be wearing a very smart-looking red business suit, and while there was no doubt in my mind she had nothing but good intentions, it was also absolutely made clear to me that what she had proposed was not our path. When we attempted to explain that to her, she replied, somewhat insulted, “But teaching is a very noble profession.” To which we answered, “yes Akikosan, teaching is a very noble profession; and there is no question that is what I came here to do in this life…but not to teach English to Japanese people. To teach matters which are far more important.” In this instance we knew that what was on offer was a test, and a very tempting one at that. We were 25 years old at the time; over a decade before we discovered Gnosis and the teachings of Samael Aun Weor; two decades before we announced The Attlas Project to the world.
We didn’t want to disrespect Akikosan and her generous proposal, but at the same time, she was not used to not getting her way, and in the end our break-up with her came with its fair share of drama. To be fair, it wasn’t just Akikosan who couldn’t process our decision to leave Japan. Our own friends and family back in Canada couldn’t believe it either. They were all so happy for us because by their own accounts, they had never seen us so happy and content before. It was as if we belonged there…as if we had finally found our place in the world; a place where we fit in, were accepted and valued for who we are, from where all our letters, video postcards and phone calls were filled with peace, joy and love. We had found ‘success’ in a very short period of time (and they didn’t even know about Akikosan’s proposal). They gave us quite a bit of grief when we returned to Canada. They didn’t understand that Japan would always be with us, here in our hearts; and that we would bring the best of Japan with us no matter where we found ourselves in the world. You can see that reflected subtly on the Gno*U website and our explanation of the AUM of Life, AUM@Work, and AUM of Self.
Don’t get us wrong, it’s not like the decision was exactly easy to make. And choices like these aren’t always so clear-cut; they require a great deal of discernment on our part. Just what does our Divine Mother wish for us to have as we pursue the path? And does this brand new, beautiful, shiny, comfortable whatever which just showed up in our life represent a divine gift-horse which we would be wise not to look in the mouth, or is it a test of our desire for such things? Blessing or curse? There are no easy answers. It’s up to each of us to weigh such circumstances in accordance with our own conscience. We have received many boons in our day and have often spent hours in meditation trying to decide if something which came into our life was indeed a divine gift or a test.
One example of this was our last car, a 2011 Honda CR-Z. Now, it should be noted that as a teenager we always wanted to own a Honda CR-X. It wasn’t the hottest, fastest, most luxurious car on the market…there was just something about it which ‘felt right’…like it was meant to be. The CR-X was discontinued in the early 90’s (well, it morphed into the short-lived del Sol), but Honda brought it back in the early 2010’s as a similarly designed mild hybrid (meaning the electric motor helps boost the engine’s power and efficiency but you can’t drive the car on electric power alone). Then one day, driving to Toronto, I felt the impulse to exit onto Dixie Road and head to Dixie Auto Mall, where I found a slightly used blue CR-Z with low km’s just ‘waiting for me.’ My driver’s license had recently been reinstated (after being suspended for years during my deep dive into epilepsy) and I was in need of a new car—there was no question about that—but was
this the car I needed? Or was I being tempted by a teenage obsession? Was I having some sort of early mid-life crisis as so many men do, when they want to relive the glory days of their youth and finally own the ‘dream car’ they always wanted?
Lo-and-behold, in the process of meditating on this decision, do you know what we realized, dear reader? That it was precisely fear which was causing us to question the serendipitous appearance of our next car; an appearance which, far from being a mid-life crisis or temptation to indulge a teenage obsession, was the actualization of the vehicle we were destined to have at that point in our journey…a destiny which we had intuited and anticipated way back at the age of 16, which was why we felt such a strong affinity for the CR-X, the spiritual precursor to the CR-Z. But the fact remains that we almost walked away from our destined mode of transportation (which became an essential tool on our journey and a vehicle of growth in its own right), all because of our fear of making the wrong choice. We were afraid of taking a wrong turn off the path, and our ego-mind was trying to convince us we were doing the right thing by walking away from an element of our destiny.
In short, dear reader, we became aware of just how subtle and clever fear can be; and that there is no aspect of our life or work—no, not even the path itself—which cannot be turned into an object of fear. And the reason is quite simple: no one wants to fail, and fear knows it.
Fear of Failure
By now it should come as no surprise that fear is no stranger to irony, and the first thing fear latches onto and tries to exploit is the very outcome it is hell-bent on bringing about…our failure.
It goes without saying, any serious aspirant of anything longs to succeed at it, whatever it may be. The concert pianist doesn’t sacrifice all that time, money and energy for kicks. They have a passion for achieving excellence through music, just as many contemporary artists are passionate about achieving excellence through whatever it is they call their ‘art’—rightly or wrongly, be it Being-inspired of ego-indulgent. Similarly, the Olympic athlete longs for a place on the podium, and the American football player pines for a Superbowl ring. No one likes to lose. No one wants to fail. It’s no different for initiates on the Path. The opportunities for failure are everywhere. Temptation is all around us, all the time. More importantly, temptation is within us, ever-present, ever-nagging us to slack-off, procrastinate, let ourselves slide, give-in, give-up, the list is endless. All it takes is for anyone on the Path to take a long, hard, honest look at themselves to know how many defects and vices are at work inside of us, trying to derail our progress. Fear sees all of this, of course. Fear knows what we want. And fear knows how badly we want it—to awaken, to Self-realize or to gain followers, powers, initiations, levels, accolades, what-have-you. So whether we are inspired from a deep inner longing to do the Work, or are motivated from shallow mystic pride to feel like and be seen as ‘a master’ by others, fear capitalizes on our mystic longing/desires and instills in us the fear of failing to achieve our spiritual goals.
Fanaticism is perhaps the most insidious result of this fear of failure on the esoteric Path. Obsession with advancement is, of course, not unique to the spiritual path—you will find competitive video gamers obsessed with leaderboards and clear-times, making a career out of one or two titles, fanatically devoting themselves to playing only those games. But when it comes to matters of spirituality, fanaticism takes on a particularly insidious flavor. No one has yet given their life out of devotion to a video game. But how many countless people have died in the name of religion; more precisely, religious beliefs—dogma? It may be difficult for you to grasp, dear reader, that all that stunningly fervent devotion is just fear cloaked in piety and virtue. Remember that fear is a masterful chameleon—its modus operandi is to masquerade as some other ego; or cleverly rationalize itself as both ‘natural’ and ‘necessary.’ It makes perfect sense that fear would apply itself in the same way to matters of the spirit. No matter how divorced from the world of degenerated organized religion we may see ourselves, rest assured that fear is constantly trying to transform our ‘religion of one,’ into a fanatical cult, with ourselves as cult leader and evangelist. Don’t believe it?
Do you know any evangelical vegans? Enough said, right? We can understand vegetarianism and feeling profoundly deep down one doesn’t want to cause any suffering to animals, but the extent to which some vegans take their beliefs—that they will have a kind of mental breakdown if they accidentally ingest some honey—is far beneath their Innermost Being. Fanaticism is born of fear; there is nothing courageous about the level of avoidance exhibited by so-called ‘dedicated vegans.’ Their pride convinces them they are courageous, heroic for standing up to the tyrannical majority and their violent doctrine of wholesale slaughter and mass exploitation of animals (and you must admit, it’s a damned convincing argument). Never mind that the eating of plants represents no less the taking of life, the ‘true believers’ of the cult of veganism are, in Truth, beneath all the posturing and virtue signalling, terrified. It is scary to them, the idea that they might somehow be a predator, a carnivore, a murderer…a monster. Vegans are horrified by what they see as acts of pure evil and no one is readily going to give up the comfort and security their lifestyle affords them to step into a house of horrors wielding a hatchet and an appetite for animal flesh. Just read that last sentence again out loud. Do you see, dear reader, how easily fear manipulates the mind into fanaticism? Do you see how even the most basic of language can propagandize, evangelize and indoctrinate the heart-mind into a cult of self-righteousness?
Let us not pick on vegans. We are not immune to the phenomenon of self-righteousness. More than a few Gnostics have been labelled self-righteous, fanatics and cult-like in their day. We certainly have (and at times for good reason)! We confess, our lifelong struggle with a powerful demon of fear has meant we’ve been on the wrong side of righteousness on more than one occasion. We’ve also found ourselves calling other Gnostics out for their fanatical attitudes and behaviours. Just for research purposes, observe any online discussion group or comment thread dealing with any contentious issue. When two fanatics of different viewpoints meet, a veritable shitstorm of insults, outrage, name-calling, and all manner of verbal abuse tends to follow. It’s no wonder: fear begets fear. When the comfort and security of our beliefs are threatened, fear reacts as if our very life was as stake—so strong is our attachment to our beliefs.
Now, you may find this ironic at best—hypocritical at worst—coming from us, since we appear to be (A) quite vocal and opinionated and (B) have been known to fervently and without apology defend many tenets and statutes of Gnosticism, particularly on Facebook. We have on countless occasions laid a smack-down on some poor unsuspecting individual simply voicing their opinion online. Surely then, we are one of the worst offenders when it comes to self-righteous fanaticism! And Truth be told, at times we have been and occasionally still are precisely that. We are not free of our demon of fear—not yet—and we suffer on occasion from the insidious way in which it can manage to twist and corrupt our attempts at revealing the Truth. Of course, the difference is we’re not arguing in devotion to our beliefs, rather pressing matters of Truth, which doesn’t belong to us…we are but its humble vessel and messenger. So then where does the fear come it?
Again, we cannot afford to underestimate how clever, subtle and insidious fear can be. If fear of having one’s beliefs threatened by other leads to self-righteous fanaticism, then so-too, will fear for others’ sake lead us to similar self-righteous fanaticism. However, desire for our own comfort and security is extended (projected) by fear to include the comfort and security of the other individual! Fear makes us afraid for the other person. In these moments we become like helicopter parents wanting to bubble-wrap our children so they become impervious to injury; but when they resist our attempts to protect them from themselves (prevent them form rejecting the Truth in favor of following erroneous beliefs which may lead to their detriment and ultimate destruction), we become angry, and begin to scold them for being irresponsible, naïve, ignorant, reckless, etc. We will delve deeper into the relationship between fear and anger momentarily, but for now let’s be clear just how clever and subtle fear can be; and how even messengers of Truth can fall prey to the fear of failure…not just our own failure, but the potential failure of others, whose fate we genuinely and legitimately care about!
On that note, let us take a moment to explore this notion of falling in the face of the fear of failure. We’re referring to a very specific kind of failure which warrants its own discussion in greater detail, complete with what many people perceive as fanatical dogma, and what many Gnostics use to cloak themselves in Self-righteousness. It happens to be something the world has used to brand Samael Aun Weor as the leader of a sex cult. In this next section, we will again be sharing some very personal experiences, with some potentially humiliating details. But this discourse is for your benefit, dear reader, and anything we can do to shed light on the potential pitfalls along the Path, we must do. Not out of fear, mind you…if anything, fear is trying to talk us out of writing this next section…rather, genuine and legitimate concern. For there is an aspect of the Work which is by far the most challenging, the most rewarding, and ultimately the most transformative, and that makes it a prime target for fear and some truly scary and disruptive insurrections.
White Tantra & the Fear of Falling
The Path of the Razor’s Edge is fraught with dangers on both sides, like a tightrope strung between two towers. That’s where it derives its name from; that, ‘the middle way,’ and ‘the narrow gate into heaven’ which few take. Just as the name and allegory of a tightrope walk implies, sexual alchemy is about finding balance between leaning too far to either side. Fail to find that balance while putting ourselves on the line, and we fall…like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden…so you just know
fear’s not going to sit this one out.
As a quick refresher, what we mean by White Tantra, sex magic, etc. is the intimate practise of sexual alchemy one performs with one’s spouse (that is, your loving monogamous sexual partner; sex is sacred in the eyes of the universe, and God requires no worldly marriage license or religious ceremony to deem two individuals to be married to each another…only the sacred act of intimate sexual union). The unique aspect of White Tantra as opposed to any other practice of Tantra (which are all Black) or so-called ‘sacred sexuality,’ is the fact that the priest-husband and priestess-wife enjoy the pleasures of sexual intercourse while refraining from ejaculating the seminal fluids (both male and female). Simply put, those who walk The Path of the Razor’s Edge practice scientific chastity, which means they abstain from orgasm. Obviously, this is neither the dangerous practice of celibacy (abstention from sex altogether, which can lead to sexual degeneration as evidenced by the many Catholic priests and nuns who committed horrific crimes against children), nor indulgence of lust (fornication—desiring ever more numerous, intense and/or lengthy orgasms). Sex without orgasm is the True Middle Way of sacred sexuality, and the metaphysical science as to why is sound. You can watch the following video for more information, or get the TL;DW version, below.
The Divine Mother Devi Kundalini Shakti, who sleeps coiled up three and a half times in the Muladhara (root) chakra at the base of the spinal coccyx, awakens when we engage in loving sexual activity with our spouse (monogamous sexual partner). As we engage in the act, she rises up the spinal medulla, illuminating our chakras as she makes her way to the Anahata (crown) chakra to unite in sacred union with her husband, the Holy Spirit. There, the sacred fires of the Divine Feminine Force unite with the sacred fires of the Divine Masculine Force to give rise to the Fire of fires and the Light of lights of the Cosmic Christ—the Divine Androgen—The Logos.
The sexual energy is the creative force of the universe. Nothing in the universe can come into being without it. No, not even our Solar Bodies (the Divine Vessels required to exist in the supernal worlds). Therefore, wasting the sexual energy on lust, via orgasm, is taking the most precious and powerful force in the universe and squandering it on a few moments of pleasure. What’s more, the creative force creates. If it is utilized intelligently in White Tantra, it can literally be used to ‘make love.’ Squandered on the orgasm, it can only make more lust, more desire, more dissatisfaction after the brief euphoria of the orgasm subsides. That is why no matter how often one achieves sexual gratification, it’s never enough. What’s more, the next encounter demands a little more titillation, stimulation, degradation, dominance, etc. Lust returns with a vengeance, stronger than before and whereas before you might have been satisfied with one thing, now you want something more. The inversion of the sexual force during orgasm allows lust to harness the creative energy of the universe to replicate itself and strengthen its hold over our psyche. Over time, the incessant escalation of desire leads to the downward spiral of sex addiction, sexual degeneration, fetishizing, pedophilia, et al.
Wow. Quite the warning, would you agree? It gets worse. Esoterically speaking, any initiate on the Path of the Razor’s Edge who in a moment of weakness willingly and consciously pursues sexual gratification through masturbation or fornication will lose all their initiations. They will be deemed to have “fallen.” And they will have to begin their journey up the First Mountain of Initiation from the beginning. Ouch. Harsh or not, falling is something to avoid, don’t you think?
We certainly thought so. And yes, dear reader, you know where this is going. We certainly weren’t the only Gnostic in history to be afraid of falling, mind you. And it’s not just men who fear it, either. The problem with allowing our knowledge of the consequences to become food for our fear is it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. New Agers and black magicians alike proclaim, ‘energy flows where attention goes.’ What do you suppose happens if, during the act of sex—the creative act—you’re thinking about not coming? Don’t you think the creative energy is going to flow where your attention is going, and create precisely what you’re thinking about? So right away we’re caught in a sort of catch-22. If we allow our mind to try to keep working it out, we can find ourselves sliding down a slippery slope indeed. We certainly did.
In Truth, the Lords of Karma know how difficult White Tantra can be at the best of times, and there is such a thing as MERCY. Accidents can and will happen. Guaranteed. The occasional slip and fall is not the end of the world. In Truth, there’s no reason to worry. But that’s more easily said than done, as we shall soon see…
Once we allowed the fear of falling to start creeping in, it wasn’t long before we found ourselves falling…and prematurely at that. Premature ejaculation is something many men have experienced in their life, whether on the Path or not. And very often it is psychological—performance anxiety (fear). If it happens only once, it’s easy to chalk up as a freak anomaly and grounds for a playful naughty giggle shared with your partner. After two or three times, however, it’s not funny anymore. And for Gnostics trying to engage in the most sacred act there is, it can be downright devastating—for both partners. After all, it’s not just the man who’s fallen…he’s effectively deprived his priestess wife from the act of Tantra; his fall has consequences beyond himself. A couple united in Tantra are one. So rest assured our demon was only too happy to load that additional pressure onto our shoulders as well. But what to do?
Well, it wasn’t all about the premature fall. No. Fear is nothing if not the chameleon. Perhaps the demon gets bored of torturing us the same way all the time, just as lust gets bored of the same sexual positions and gluttony gets bored of the same food. So, our fear mixed it up with us, too. When we weren’t falling prematurely, we weren’t able to get it up at all. Again, another common occurrence among men, impotence is likewise often psychosomatic. Certainly, in our case it was a way for fear to get our equipment to behave like a frightened turtle. And fear begets fear, so the anxious vibe radiating from our fear was of course picked up on by our priestess wife (who was energetically in tune with us, including egos), which meant she began to feel anxious that she wasn’t ‘good enough, sexy enough, stimulating enough.’ And of course, desiring a very different outcome than those we were experiencing, she decided to take control of the situation…with disastrous results…to the point where we even experienced impotence and premature ejaculation simultaneously.
The fact of the matter is, the more our partner took charge of the situation, the more she stimulated our fear—because her desire to take control was all fear-based! The problem was trying to communicate that to her. Because of course, when it comes to who takes charge in bed, between a man and a woman the discussion invariably leads to who wears the pants in this relationship? Fear, the chameleon, now hides behind traditional gender roles and the active, penetrative nature of the masculine force versus the passive, receptive nature of the feminine force. It was not long before fear became anger as the discussion of control became an argument over domination and submission! And it’s not like we were fully aware of the dynamic which was going on at the time…we knew we couldn’t get it up if she was coming on so strong, but what we hadn’t yet comprehended was that her desire for control was one of the many faces of fear. So, when we tried to be honest and say her taking control was giving us even more anxiety, she would interpret that as “you just can’t handle strong women…you like your women weak, mousey and submissive!” And she was right; and the more sense she made, the shittier about myself I felt—the more fear of failure, of not being good enough, of not being ‘a real man,’ of being a horrible Gnostic, and of beginning to believe I was turning into a sexual degenerate who secretly wanted his partners to act like 14-year old virgins—and it was all paranoid delusion.
It was all fear. Surely by now, dear reader, you can appreciate how insidious and subtle the fear of falling is and how devastating it can be to a relationship. But it gets even worse. As we mentioned, the fear/control quickly turned to anger. Our description above represents a composite of different relationships with different women. Suffice it to say, some women were able to set aside their feminist conditioning and take the chip off their shoulder long enough to realize things began to ‘work’ much better when they weren’t adding intimidation on top of our anxiety. Others, weren’t. They couldn’t stand the idea that they were with a ‘weak’ man who couldn’t handle a ‘strong’ woman, and they had no problems voicing their anger, frustration and disgust. Little did we realize that all their posturing and venom was the voice of fear—women terrified of letting go of the reigns, embracing the feminine force, and trusting in the divine flow of masculine and feminine forces seeking harmonious union. No, what they saw was giving up their power to the patriarchy and as they say, the best defense is a good offense.
Fear and Anger
This brings us to perhaps the most sinister, powerful and devastating face of fear, one which we must always be vigilant of. It is a face of fear we can observe expressing itself from within ourselves all the time, if we’re honest. And it is a face of fear immortalized in the modern mythology of Star Wars and the symbol of the rise, fall and redemption of Anakin Skywalker.
Everything we’ve described up to this point culminates in the transformation of fear into anger. Consider what happens when the outcome you’re attached to doesn’t materialize (or someone gets in the way of it materializing, or some other unforeseen outcome materializes); when your worst fears come true, does your mind not quickly shift to pointing fingers and laying blame? When people or circumstances continually come between you and your desire for comfort and security, is there not hell to pay? When you have invested a great deal of time, effort and energy doing your damnedest to control circumstances and people to produce a desired outcome, isn’t anger the first to flare up when someone or something comes along, throws a monkey-wrench in the works, and undoes all your planning, preparation and manipulation? On a very primal level, if you fear spiders and someone deliberately throws a spider at you, how quickly does your fear of spiders transform into anger at the prankster? The honest answer? Almost instantaneously.
Fear wants us to be afraid. And in the right context we might even enjoy the feeling of being afraid, such as those who enjoy horror movies, scary amusement park rides, adrenaline junkies, etc. Likewise, we might ‘get off’ on the feeling of being in control—of people, circumstances, public opinion, outcomes—which makes us feel more powerful, comfortable and secure (but as we have shown is 100% fear and insecurity). So, when we are possessed by fear, and are identified with it, relishing how it makes us feel, it’s all good. No need for anger or animosity. However, in the wrong context, when others either trigger our fear or disrupt our fear’s machinations of control, comfort and security, etc., we react with anger because we are ‘no longer in control of our fear.’ Or rather, our fear is no longer the one in control…someone or something else appears to be. Unexpected and unwelcomed fear leads to an angry reaction. “How dare they! Who do they think they are!”
Remember that fear is, at the end of the day, an ego…an ‘I’. Egos want to be in power. Egos want to be in control. Fear wants to be afraid, but on its own terms. But why should anger care? Why should anger be bothered if fear is being triggered? Again, the great trickster and chameleon, fear never passes up a chance to pass the buck and direct our attention away from itself and toward some external scapegoat. The easiest, quickest, most effective way to achieve that is through anger. By directing our attention and energy away from itself, the terrorist we call fear can continue to syphon our energy, causing tension in the nervous system and any number of negative energetic states. Fear winds us up, such that any little trigger causes us to blow, and the effect feels like anger. So, our anger comes into activity automatically; mechanically, stimulated by the sudden release of tense negative energy through the body and heart-mind. Anger itself doesn’t care; it too merely wants to execute its nature—to be angry and to make us angry. Fear is functionally so similar to it, anger is a natural side-effect and companion to fear, when it serves fear’s purposes.
This brings us to the intimate relationship between anxiety and depression. We’ve already established that anxiety is deep, subconscious fear. Is it any wonder that depression is deep, subconscious anger? Just as those suffering from anxiety, people suffering from depression are prone to outbursts of negative emotions. Deep down in the subconsciousness, a raging anger or a fretting fear generate similar psychological and neurological agitations. And one can quickly lead to another—as we’ve seen—and so it’s not surprising that an anxious person might be prone to a quick, fiery temper. Likewise, a depressed individual might suffer from panic attacks. Their deep-seeded anger might be intimately connected to deeply felt fear. Both will drain them and cause the prominent symptom of depression: a lack of energy.
Suffice it to say, we suffer not only from a quick, explosive anger—at times even rage—but also depression. Our demon, whose dominant nature is fear, is entirely responsible for these outbursts and our depression. Its desire to control us (via epileptic seizures), circumstances, people and outcomes, when thwarted, can lead to some pretty nasty subconscious temper-tantrums. We have come a long way in weakening its hold over us, but we’re still not free of it. And, we still manage to attract others into our life who not only share a similar demon, but whose demon is able to trigger our demon, and as a mirror, we literally bring out the worst in each other. And you can imagine, dear reader, how often anger ends up having the final word in such exchanges. Fear, being a terrorist, would rather anger and aggression and the other person take the blame. It will quietly go about agitating us in secret, ensuring our disrupted comfort and security feeds a growing animosity toward the other person, group, organization, circumstances, et al. We lose sight of our fear. Anger is far too explosive and overt an ego to ignore; it is so in your face, so hot, so fiery, so explosive, so volatile, that it may even become an object of our own fear—fear of failure expressed as fear of losing control of our temper.
In other words, anger is the perfect cover and ideal companion of fear. They are inseparable. The next time you are angry, really take note of why. Then, later, conduct a retrospection meditation and delve deep into whatever reason you noted in the moment. We’ll bet that nine times out of ten, you will find hiding beneath that anger one of the many faces of fear outlined herein. Not only that, if you meditate on that face of fear, you will more than likely discover that had the fear never been there to begin with, you would have had no reason to be angry in the first place.
Trouble is, anger is a very destructive force. As Yoda suggests, above, prolonged anger leads to hatred—first as frustration, later as resentment, finally as all-out animosity. Fear of not having things go our way is one thing, but anger that we never seem to get our way produces a kind of suffering which itself feeds into our fear. We will do just about anything to avoid that feeling of rage (and/or the depression which comes with such rage sinking into the subconscious beyond our reach). This means anger leads to us doubling down on our desire to control people and circumstances to ensure/avoid certain outcomes. And we can prove this again by looking at family dynamics: how many families have fallen apart even as members claimed to ‘love one another so much?’ The reason? Fear leading to control triggering fear/control (resistance) in the other person leading to anger feeding back into fear leading to greater efforts to control and the downward spiral began to spin out of control.
Love is unconditional. Fear and anger have no place in a loving relationship. But be honest with yourself, dear reader. Do not the people we care for the most drive us the craziest? We want so desperately what’s best for them, we worry so much about them, we’re so easily knocked off kilter when we see them doing something stupid, dangerous, reckless, etc…we just want to smack some sense into them, do we not? Genuine concern for their well being and safety degenerates into fear, control and anger so quickly and automatically. If we allow ourselves to continue on indulging this fear-anger dynamic, we seriously risk alienating those we love the most—pushing them away as we find our hearts hardening a little each time, just to dull ourselves to the pain and suffering that comes with anger. For more details on this dynamic and the downward spiral, read our article, Lovers and Chi-eaters: The Hidden Truth about Sex & Relationships.
Going through life angry and afraid is thus a recipe for disaster, spiritually speaking. Sure, there are many who do exactly that. The world is teaming with self-help gurus, coaches, entrepreneurs, activists, politicians, even comedians, musicians, writers and authors…all of whom give credit to their ‘success’ for taking control of their life; for getting mad and getting even. You know this, dear reader. Just look at the world they’ve wrought for humanity—everything is built on a foundation of fear. They of course would never admit to that openly in public, but they know it to be the Truth. The billionaire hoarding endless power and countless treasures knows deep down that it will never be enough to satisfy the raging insecurity and anxiety in their heart. Meantime, anything and everything they touch will be an extension of their insatiable desire for comfort and security, and they will become a demi-god to all those gripped by fear, desiring comfort and security for themselves. It’s not by accident the cult of Apple worshipped Steve Jobs and the faithful stood in line for hours all night to be the first to get their terrified hands on the latest iPhone.
Knowing that the world is governed by and structured around fear, obviously many trying to awaken find themselves directing their anger, animosity, even hatred at the elite, the authorities, the 1%, the Illuminati, the communists, the multinational corporations, the global bankers, the mainstream media, at al. If you count yourself among this growing mass of ‘awakened’ revolutionaries, lifting the veil on the global conspiracies to enslave humanity, just remember this one thing, dear reader: fear begets fear. And anger, as we have shown, is most often masking fear. The cabals of global power want you to be angry at them…that’s how they make sure fear has you in its grips.
Fear of Evil
We have arrived at the final face of fear which we as initiates of the Path must be wary of (and remember, to be wary means to be mindful of, not afraid of). This face of fear is the most prolific, most diabolical, most effective and most all-pervasive among the kind-hearted and good-natured in the world. It is sinister and insidious precisely because it poisons our capacity to develop genuine courage in the face of the Black Lodge and all its generals, lieutenants and pawns. And as we shall see, it can even set us onto a path of wrong-thinking about our own suffering and the many obstacles we find ourselves facing time and again, in accordance with fear’s primary the modus operandi which by now should be absolutely clear to us: deliberately placing the blame for our fear on other scapegoats so fear can go right on terrorizing us with impunity. And what better scapegoat could there be than evil itself?
Some time ago, we created the following meme revealing the nature of evil in the world. We included it in our piece, The Conspiracy of Conspiracies. Over the years, sharing said article and the below meme on Facebook, we noticed many people having a very negative reaction to the suggestion they were somehow responsible for all the atrocities and vile acts which could be clearly traced back to a relatively small cabal of global elites. That is not, in fact, what the meme is saying. What it’s pointing out is what our article was all about: that the cabal of elites ‘out there’ and all the fear-fuelled rage-inducing conspiracies surrounding them are precisely there to keep us focused on the illusory enslavement of humanity from without, so that fear and anger can go right on with the business of actually enslaving humanity from within.
And of course, one might expect a kind of knee-jerk reaction based on an egoic interpretation of the meme. After all, it’s as FDR said, “The only thing we have to fear is…fear itself,” right? No one who sees themselves as a good, spiritual, moral, righteous, compassionate person can abide the thought of being implicated in the horrors going on in the world today. Just as no one likes to fail, no one wants to be part of the problem.
But the facts are the facts—so long as we have ego, we are precisely part of the problem. And do you see, dear reader, how cleverly the Black Lodge is able to manipulate us, to stimulate our fear, anger, outrage, indignation? So much so that they have gotten us to the point of fearing evil so much that we refuse to accept its presence within ourselves; refuse to accept the Truth: that we are all, in one way, shape or form—to one degree or another—possessed by demon(s).
The ultimate confession, then, dear reader? We are all demons…and it should be clear to you by now that I am no exception, nor do I pretend to be anything but possessed. It’s just that I’ve been aware of it for some time, and my life has been about unearthing, studying, analyzing, comprehending and sharing our discoveries (which we’ve been doing in this article).
And do you think any of that could have been possible if we hadn’t faced our fear of evil? How could we have faced the facts about the many faces of fear if the whole time we were fretting over the fact that all that evil was inside us? We are the demon! That’s the hard Truth we had to face before we could come to terms with any of this, and begin the long, arduous process of gathering Self-Evident Experiential Knowledge about it.
We cannot come to know any phenomenon intimately if we’re afraid of it. What marine biologist worth their salt is afraid of the water? What volcanologist is afraid of heights and of lava? Especially when studying fear, we cannot afford to let ourselves be afraid of getting up close and intimate with it: our need to control, our desire for comfort and security, our fear of failure or of falling, and the inevitable anger which goes with fear like bread with butter. Because while it’s good to have courage and get up close and personal with the lion, it’s better not to be consumed by the lion while doing so.
We mustn’t be afraid of what we find within ourselves. We mustn’t be afraid to go exploring our shadow, as Jung would say. Put another way, we must be willing to descend into the labyrinth of our subconscious mind and face Medusa, weapons in hand. We don’t want to be petrified by her gaze, however (we don’t want to become petrified with fear), but we must draw her near, observing her reflection with clear consciousness on the surface of a calm mind, until our Innermost Being can run her through with the penetrative sting of comprehension, and the weapons given to us by our Divine Mother can decapitate her (all symbolic). We must have the courage and the humility to know we are just starting out on the path; and all who start out on the path walk in the horrific hells of Hades…not the hallowed halls of Valhalla.
To recap, then, we mustn’t allow our fear of and anger toward the self-evident forces of evil out there in the world, to dissuade and distract us from the true battlefield of our enslavement. Likewise, we must not allow our fear of evil from preventing us from going within and seeking out its hiding places, its ambush spots and its watering holes. We must become an intrepid explorer/hunter of our own egos. And as we’ve pointed out, no scientist studying any phenomenon can afford to fear that which they must become intimately knowledgeable of. Lastly, as initiates, we must be wary of a particular form of evil; but we must be wary even more of the fear of that particular form.
Fear of Demons and Black Magicians
There is no doubt that black magicians and awakened demons are real. They target initiates regularly and can do a good deal of harm. We would be wise to protect our home, our space and ourselves through the techniques passed down to us by Master Samael Aun Weor and others, many of which can be found in the following free online course: Defense for Spiritual Warfare.
Alright, that disclaimer out of the way, now we can roll up our sleeves and bring the smack-down. Dearest reader, if you are one of those people who, upon encountering difficulties and challenges on the path immediately jump to the conclusion that “it must be black magicians!” Stop it. Just stop it. You are not that special. You are not so important. And you should not be so full of yourself to assume your karma is anything other than a reflection of the Black Lodge inside of you…your own egos. The path of initiation is not an easy one. There is great suffering to endure, and calamities large and small are part of the program. Look to yourself first, and if your fear does kick in and your mind starts imagining covens of witches casting spells or cabals of black sorcerers casting hexes upon you, take a long hard look at that fear. Don’t identify with the imagined scenarios of how you’re being victimized by dark oppressors from afar. Unless, that is, it’s a very strong intuitive feeling you have that something or someone is doing precisely that.
There is nothing wrong with taking precautionary measures. Protect yourself; we must be practical. Just stop yourself short of blaming every little thing on black magicians or demons. If the evidence is overwhelming and you are absolutely convinced there is something awry, seek help from one you know to be a more advanced and knowledgeable Gnostic. Ask them for their advice. But do not go to them first, either. Your first line of defense should always be your own Innermost Being and Divine Mother. If you’ve been targeted and are at risk the Masters, the Angels and Archangels, are at your disposal and they will come to your aide at your request. Be humble. Be earnest. Meditate and pray for assistance and guidance. All of this can be done without any fear.
You need not give into fear. Remember that the moment you do, the Black Lodge already have you in their grips. If there is a black magician terrorizing you from afar, it’s so that the Black Lodge can terrorize you from within through your own fear. Remember that. That said, we must also be practical and careful, especially women, who in our experience have a tendency to be far too naïve, gullible and susceptible to the charms and apparent ‘mastery’ of black magicians. These men approach them online and convince them to send them nude photos of themselves, of their genitalia, etc. with the promise of “remote Tantra” or some such deceptions. And it’s all black magic. It’s all dark deception. Mark these words now:
The White Lodge does not condone nor participate in any remote sexual practices, for the precise reason that they are far too easily used as degenerate means of black magicians siphoning the energy of unsuspecting initiates. Just as Masters do not, under any circumstances, “channel” teachings through so-called “mediums.” Masters REINCARNATE. Masters come and live a lifetime of suffering and sacrifice for humanity. They do not ‘fax-down’ their teachings, and they do not practice Tantra over the phone nor online, either. There is no such thing as “phone sex magic.” Gnostics are practical, and the higher the initiate, the more practical and down-to-earth they will be. A True Master comes to earth in the flesh; and a genuine soulmate and spouse will likewise come to be with you in the flesh. No exceptions, no excuses. If they do not, they are not a genuine master and not truly your spouse.
We don’t say these words to instill fear into anyone, no! We could hardly be accused of such a thing after such a lengthy dissertation on the malicious and malevolent nature of fear. No, but we do encourage you to be wary—especially if you are a woman—of any man approaching you online claiming to be this or that master, been sent by The Masters of the White Lodge, to instruct you in the science of Gnosis and the practice of White Tantra, etc. As soon as they start getting sexual, of asking for nude photos, etc., BLOCK THEM. It doesn’t matter how ‘advanced’ they sound or how ‘legitimate’ you think they are. You will NOT be penalized by the Lords of Karma for turning away someone who is breaking the rules of the White Lodge. And besides, everything you need to know is available on public online forums. There is no “secret knowledge” that must be given solely to you on a one-on-one basis by some instructor other than your own Innermost! As for learning and practising Tantra, we must be PRACTICAL! What sort of ‘spouse’ or ‘soul-mate’ refuses to come be with you in the bedchamber of the alchemical laboratory? What sort of ‘twin-flame’ needs photographs of your genitalia? There is no such thing as “Astral Tantra.” These are all made-up concepts used by the Black Lodge to dupe unsuspecting women into becoming hosts for the evil entities to feed on.
These are the facts, dear reader. Not to be used to fuel fear, just to be heeded so that we can all better “know our enemy, and know ourselves even more.”